haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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