Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
