Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
