My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
