First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
