It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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