lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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