She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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