is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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