A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
