You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
