There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
