They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
