Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
