I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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