I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
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The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
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Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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