so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
