It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
