also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
