i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
