they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I need to calm my uterus...
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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