Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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