what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i wish my penis had a tongue
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Randomize
