Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
