On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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