Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
