I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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