I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Are my feet made of real feet?
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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