tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
