You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
