Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
