can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
