hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
