Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
