The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
