Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
