My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
