My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
