dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
