u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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