My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize