Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You don't make any sense
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