Yo dont text me then not text me
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
