I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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