I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
