I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
