She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
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If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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