So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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