Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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