i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
