Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize