I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
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Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize