Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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