yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
