I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
