Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
