You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
