can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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