My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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