Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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