he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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