brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I wanna passion pit in your ass
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
