it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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