I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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